


Dennis' Sex Tapes

by teennplantt



Category: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Genre: Bottom Dennis Reynolds, Homophobia, Humor, M/M, Rope Bondage, Sex Tapes, but like the normal amount for the show
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-28
Updated: 2020-03-28
Packaged: 2021-02-28 19:40:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,300
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23352586
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/teennplantt/pseuds/teennplantt
Summary: In order to get back at her brother, Dee goes on a mission to humiliate him, but she uncovers something much better.
Relationships: Mac McDonald/Dennis Reynolds
Comments: 6
Kudos: 54





	Dennis' Sex Tapes

**Author's Note:**

> that's showbiz baby

Dee jimmied the lock with a sigh of relief. "We're in," she pushed open the door, and she and Charlie stepped into the apartment. 

"What're we looking for exactly?" Charlie asked. "I'm a little unclear on this plan." 

"Dennis has this old picture of me from high school, and he's trying to blackmail me with it. But if we take the picture and destroy it before he gets back here, then he can't use it against me anymore. C'mon, start looking through shit. We don't have time for your stupid questions." Dee began riffling through the cabinets, and Charlie went into Dennis' bedroom. He leafed through the nightstand and under the bed, but he didn't come up with any pictures that even remotely resembled Dee in high school. 

"Dee, I don't get the point of this. I mean, we all remember you being a dog in high school, but it's not like it's gotten better now," Charlie laughed. He glanced around for a high five before realizing none of the guys were around. 

"He threatened to put it on the internet, and I really don't need that kind of shit floating around with my name attached. Keep looking," Dee hissed. Charlie sighed as he continued to ransack Dennis' room. He opened a large chest of drawers and saw a collection of tapes with words on them. 

"Uh...Dee, Dee! C'mere!" Charlie called. 

"What? What? What? Did you find it?" Dee shrieked as she ran into the room. She stood over Charlie's shoulder and looked down at the tapes. 

"What do you think this is?" 

"Oh, it's this weird thing Dennis does where he tapes all the women he's had sex with. It's really gross." 

"What about this one? It says Mark. Mark's a dude's name," Charlie pulled the tape out of the drawer and showed it to Dee. 

"Charlie, that doesn't say Mark. Seriously? You really need to learn how to read, dude," Dee grabbed the tape. 

"I can read! So, what does it say?" Charlie folded his arms across his chest defensively. 

"Mac." 

\---

"What's up, boners?" Dee greeted pompously as she strode into the bar. She clutched the tape in her hand and glared at Dennis. 

"What's with the tape, Dee?" Dennis sighed annoyedly as he turned to face her. 

"Woah, Dennis, I think you're forgetting that we don't care," Mac said. 

"No, we don't, but she's clearly not going to drop this." 

"Oh, you will care. You'll care a whole lot," Dee held up the tape so that they'd see Mac's name written on the side in Dennis' handwriting. 

"Charlie, can you explain what's happening here?" Dennis rolled his eyes at his sister's theatrics. 

"Uh...we found this tape in your sex tape drawer just like mixed in with all the ladies names it was like 'Mark.'" 

"Goddamnit, it says Mac! It's Mac's name on the tape! Dennis made a sex tape of Mac!" 

"Well, in order to make a sex tape, I think we actually would've had to have sex, which we didn't," Dennis hoped the loss of color in his face was only in his imagination. 

"Oh, yeah, well, let's play it and find out, shall we?" Dee went to the television, and Dennis leapt out of his seat. 

"No, no, no, we shan't," Dennis chuckled nervously. "Because no one wants to see whatever is on that tape." 

"Because it's a sex tape?" 

"No! It's not a sex tape. Mac and I have never slept together." 

"Then why can't we watch the tape?" 

"Um...well, because...because, Mac, help me out here?" Dennis looked over at Mac pleadingly. 

"You're on your own," Mac snorted. 

"Okay, what do you want?" Dennis grabbed Dee's arm in a vice grip. "What're you hoping to gain from this?" 

"Well, I was going to try to stop you from posting that picture of me from high school online, but now I think it'd be much more interesting to watch the tape." 

"You wanna watch a sex tape of your brother?" Charlie recoiled. "That's kinda over the line, even for us." 

"It is not a sex tape!" Dennis insisted. "There's just no reason we need to watch it either." 

"I say we watch the tape," Frank chimed in. "Watch the tape! Watch the tape!" He began to chant, and Mac and Dee joined in. She popped the tape into the VHS and turned on the television. Dennis went behind the bar and poured himself a tall glass of scotch. Acceptance was the final stage of grief. Acceptance and scotch. Everyone else pulled up a few chairs to get closer to the television. 

Dennis came onto the screen wearing nothing except a low-hanging pair of jeans. He clutched a length of rope in his slender hands, and Mac laid on the bed trembling. 

"Ha!" Dee laughed. "I got you! I got you guys so good!" 

"Deandra, shut your mouth. This is quality programming," Frank stuffed his face with popcorn that no one could decipher the origin of. 

Dennis straddled Mac and tied his hands to the headboard. He rolled his hips against Mac's, and Mac moaned softly. 

"Does no one else think it's kinda weird that we're watching a sex tape of two of our friends?" Charlie asked. 

"I wanna go on the record as saying that I had no idea this was being filmed," Mac said. "But damn, I do look hot, right?" 

"You can barely see you. This is like watching a movie about how gross Dennis is," Dee snorted. 

"She's just jealous," Dennis retorted, and everyone fell silent. "Not of the sleeping with me. Because she's ugly, and no one would ever wanna film her naked." He walked around the bar and took a seat in Mac's lap.

"Get a room," Frank grunted. 

"Dude, you're literally watching a porno of us," Mac pointed out. 

"We've gotta draw the line somewhere, right? We're gonna at least stop watching before it gets to the penetration?" Charlie asked. 

"This is who I am now. Shut up and enjoy it," Dennis snapped. "I'm an adonis of the silver screen." 

"Also for the record, I'm kinda pissed at you right now, so get off my lap," Mac stood and watched Dennis fall to the ground. 

"Why're you pissed at me, and what record are you talking about?" 

"Because you made a sex tape of me, and you didn't tell me about it!" 

"Just to be clear, are you mad about just this sex tape or all of them?"

"How many are there?" 

"Wait, how long have you two been screwing?" Dee turned in her seat to ask. 

"Uh...hard to say. I mean, the first time was like 15 years ago, but we didn't decide it was gonna be a thing until like six months ago," Mac shrugged. 

"Dennis, is that why you haven't been going out on any dates or anything? You two are exclusive?" 

"Yeah, and now that you guys know," Dennis stood to his feet and fisted his hand in Mac's hair. "We can do this." He crushed their lips together, and Mac shoved him away. 

"Dude, I said I'm mad at you!" 

"Keep it in the bedroom, guys, seriously," Dee sneered. 

"This is the problem. You guys thought it was all fun and games to watch this sex tape, but you don't support our relationship. You're homophobic," Dennis ranted. "And you're sexualizing our love. Let's go home, Mac." 

"I'm very angry at you right now! I feel like you're not getting that! Wait, did you say our love? You love me?" 

"Of course I- oh, God, that's a porno now," Dennis winced at the sight of Mac's dick sliding into him. 

"I think I'm gonna be sick," Charlie dry-heaved. 

"This did not go well for anyone," Mac shook his head. 

"Nope."


End file.
